Hello Friends!
I have wonderful news to share! I had a Dr. appointment today and found that my new Tumor Marker number is 5.4. Under 5 is considered clear, but they really like it to be under 3 so that is what we hope for as a result of the next 3 remaining treatments.
I had a reduced infusion of my chemo today. It only took 30 minutes and I am not on the pump this time around. I made a decision (with my doctor’s blessing) that I didn’t want to have a full treatment at this time. Several factors influenced my decision.
First, Frank is in Boston on business and my parents are on the last week of their vacation. This mean’t that my entire family support system was gone and I would be home alone. If I got sick or anything, there would be nobody here to help me. Now I know….I have had friends coming out of the wood work to look out for me while I’ve been by myself. It’s been really amazing having people who choose to love me so much. I say it’s a choice, because it’s not like we’re related and they’re stuck with me. They love me because they do, And I am so lucky to have these people in my life. When I say I was alone, I didn’t have to be. I just felt this way was best.
Another thing that influenced my decision is that Frank and I are leaving on vacation this Thursday and I didn’t want any of the after-effects from chemo to take away from our good time. My Oncologist is a big believer that quality of life has to be very heavily considered in treatment, so he completely understood.
As it turns out, I had to have one of my drugs called Avastin, withheld one week because of platelet (can never remember how to spell it) issues. This drug has no real side effects and is the one that chokes the blood supply to tumors which is what basically they feed on. So, I opted to have that treatment today. I get the benefit of no symptoms, but don’t go entirely without kicking some cancer cell booty at the same time.
This past Sunday (yesterday) our pastor spoke on subject matter that really hit home to me. He talked about detours. Those times in our life when due to whatever reason, our plans get shifted into a different direction. He spoke about the fact that as a pastor of a very large church, he has personally witnessed the detours of many in his congregation…he also shared some of his own.
He spoke about the fact that in these times people seem to go into one of two camps. First are those who’s lives just seem to spiral downward. God becomes distant from them, as in many times these people tend to blame God. Then he spoke of the other camp. Those people who show great resiliency. In this camp people tend to lean on God and become even closer to him. He also spoke about the fact that in many ways, parts of their lives become better because of that challenge.
I try each day to be in the 2nd camp. I want people to see strength and hope in my life..not because I am so great, but because what strength and hope I have is entirely God-given. I know for a fact that resiliency would be impossible for me if I didn’t have God to lean on. One who encourages me to surrender my troubles and fears in their entirety.
I am so blessed. Parts of my life are (as oddly as it can seem) better since my cancer diagnosis. I wouldn’t wish to have it for these reasons, but I have come to find that cancer is a result of an imperfect world…a world in fact in chaos. God has created purpose and meaning where there would otherwise be none. God didn’t give me cancer, but He uses it in a meaningful way.
I hope this finds you well and you can draw something from my little ramblings.
Love and blessings to each of you!
Kathleen